The Legend That Started It All…

Once upon a time, in the mysterious course of Conjuring Graphics. There exists a great sage, one who wields the power of historical knowledge and transcripts… as well as the sacred beard.

This sage is omnipresent, though little proof holds true of his presence… until now. Here lie the forbidden sights that behold the great sage, the one who inspired this very journey. Behold and witness his greatness, for he sees it not himself. Be warned, for if thine eyes gaze upon him, though might incur his rage… and the rage of his beard.

Felix 1 Felix 2 Felix 3 Felix 5

Now begone and never return, lest he discover your intrusion, for I may not live once he reveals my treachery…

Fare thee well…

Suit Up…

One of the most powerful combinations for men is most definitely the Beard/Suit combo.

If the Beard is the weapon, then the suit is like the slick and streamlined holster.Just as long as you understand your tailored designs and styles, you will be the most suave MI6 agent to wield the double zero’s , with a beard.

Disagree? Then feast your eyes on these badasses…

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Any Questions?

Short in Height, But not in Beard

Ever wonder if a short person grows their beard too long it might become a tripping hazard? Me too. Short people have it rough, but this doesn’t dictate that they aren’t as equally awesome as everyone else. One such individual who has gained fame from his challenged altitude is none other than Peter Dinklage, also known as the Imp from Game of Thrones.

As awesome as he is, his beard just helps him be that much more debonair.

PeterDinklageEmmys2014PT

And his beard is just oh so suave…

Cast member Peter Dinklage arrives for the premiere of the HBO series "Game of Thrones" in New York

but if you want something even more fantastical than that… here is an old photo of him with a Mullet. Just goes to show how much better the beard is…

dinklage

Little Angry people

One thing that I think about sometimes has got me curious. Every time I picture a Dwarf, he has a beard. Apparently with the many questions and interviews with J.R.R Tolkien, basically every dwarf has a beard.

So this can be interesting at best. But what is absolutely ludicrous is the fact that not only are beards an integral part of being a dwarf, they are such a strong characteristic that even the Women have them! That’s right. The women man.

In the ‘Lord of the Rings’ , Gimli states that no more than a third of the women possessing  ‘garments’ of men would wander about. Taking into context that their beards are considered part of their garments… even the freaking women had beards bro!

Now isn’t that emasculating…

Beard Me Up Scotty

Found some interesting beards… not of the usual “Windmill in my moustache” variety, but of the Fiction scene of course.

There is a top ten list and I think I’ll just choose my favourites as they are the most iconic in my opinion. Don’t agree? That’s absolutely fine, just as long as you know you’re wrong anyway.

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So here we have: Dumbledore, Hagrid, Gandalf, Davy Jones and of course freaking Wolverine.

Even though there’s less beard on Wolverine compared to the others, he makes top five considering how he cares for it, grooms it with his claws and hydrates it with the blood of his enemies… Literally.

Davy Jones may not have hair in his (He did once) but his can kill people. KILL people.

I’m out

Does Your Beard Lift Bro?!

BeardLift is a phenomena whereby a biker will attempt to ride casually or even hastily, and his beard will scream “Hi Ho Silver Away!!!” and then proceed to lift up and assault his face because of the turbulent wind.

This may seem comical (or downright hilarious) but is actually a health issue for the wearer. After long periods of soaring the beard can strain the neck as well as affect the vision of the biker as he rides.

Apparently there are different methods of fixing this; such as tying up your beard, tucking it in your jacket or even braiding. Different companies that deal in bikes are implementing aerodynamic windscreens and jackets to negate the wind from your beard. Lets see how that goes shall we?

Cheerio

Steel Wool

What is it about bikers and their beards?

Try to picture a Stereotypical biker, and the Harley with the beard strapped to the handles almost always comes to mind (that being said the other would be the super-bikes). But why is it that bikers prefer to have beards? Role, Status, Style, or perhaps even initiation?

The answer: according to Yahoo (haha) is:

“Because they want to and don’t care what anyone else thinks”

BOOM. Your argument is invalid.

Master that Disguise

There is not simply one way to wear a beard… No… in fact there can be as many as twenty different face-huggers to choose from.

One does not simply grow a single-styled beard. To avoid being generalized, you must identify which style best suits you and then wear it with pride, like a unicorn. Here is a list of the twenty most popular and recognizable beards:

1: Clean Shaven. 2: Stubble(short) 3: Stubble(medium) 4: Stubble(moderate) 5: Full Beard 6: French Fork 7: Ducktail 8: Circle Beard 9: Goatee 10: Extended Goatee 11: Imperial 12: Van Dyke 13: Anchor 14: Balbo 15: Mutton Chops 16:  Friendly Mutton Chops 17: Verdi 18: Garibaldi 19: Dutch 20: Bandholz .

And here is an image showing said beards:

Mens-Beard-Guide-Infographic

Now Gentlemen,

CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON.

The Illusion of Growth

Ok. So as much as you wish it to be true, shaving does not make a beard grow faster. Yes it sucks. However, when there is a will, there are boobs! We may not be able to make it grow faster, but we can make it SEEM so.

All human hair grows at the same rate. (Which is about 1,25 cm per month). What this means is that even those guys whos beards appear to grow faster than everyone else, yeah no, its really just going at the standard rate. So THAT means its YOUR beard that grows SLOWER. Feel free to cry a little. I know I did.

There are three things that give the illusion of a faster growing beard:

Colour -darker hair appears thicker

Diameter -some have large, thick hairs; others have thin hairs

Density -thicker beards fill up faster and so appear to grow faster

Taking this into account we can be sure to have a few practices to help simulate hair growth. One is to exercise, obviously, healthy body – healthy beard and hair. Two is to stress less. Stress can kill not only your beard hair but your actual hair too! Three is Rest. People who sleep 5 hours or less a night will suffer in testosterone levels, as much as 15 percent. Four, Eat healthy. This is just common sense so…nuff said.

Lastly, Be Patient. Time is your greatest ally, let her do her thing and you just might see some serious boobery.

Got it? Good.

Playlist of Vikings!

After some intense (lazy) exploring, I happened to find a playlist that was made specifically for beards. This might seem boring to most but only those with the acquired taste can enjoy these melodic symphonies…

http://www.dyers.org/blog/archives/2008/11/07/music-to-grow-beards-by-the-beard-playlist/

This link will take you to the site where song AND reasons are situated. Now for all you bro’s who want to stimulate and help grow your whiskers just a little bit better, here lies the list of manly awesome. Don’t overdo it now, remember, in moderation.

enjoy 🙂